Silly_Bear

Perhaps

2008-10-10T12:37:00.004+08:00

Before I lose this piece of information for eternity, I will like to share with you.

According to dictionary.com:

Perhaps = Maybe / Possibly

Maybe = a possibility or uncertainty

:)

Perhaps

2008-10-10T12:37:00.001+08:00

2008-08-25T03:59:00.002+08:00

Good Morning to a brand new day 250808!

Yesterday, I was on duty and had to be in camp. While that is imprisonment in legal form, it provided an opportunity for a time of reflection over the 22 yrs, 8 mths and 16days of my life. I shall blog about my NS reflection on another occasion. Today, I wish to talk about a particular friend of mine, G.

G is a poly course mate of mine back in 2003-2006 while I was doing a diploma in chemical process technology in Singapore poly. She's a lovely lady and get along while with the class. However, she has a girlfriend and I chanced upon some disturbing photos of them in friendster. It saddens me when I saw those photos. I cannot understand why would someone resort to such actions. Probably, G was seeking for love?

However, I've come to a better understanding of love because of G. Why so? Because now, I understand how it is possible to love someone but not the actions that they do. For example, it is possible for a mother to love a son who steals. Sure, the mother doesn't approve of her stealing actions but still love him for who he is.

Marcus enjoys and pride in knowing G as a friend. However, I disapprove of her actions/lifestyle. Yes, I will go out with G if there's gatherings and I believe I'll enjoy her bubbly personality unreservedly. However, if her partner will to come and they kiss in my presence, I irk at the thought of it.

I'm sorry G if I cannot accept the fact that you have a girlfriend. I understand that you probably don't need my approval on this subject but ... Let's put it this way, what you are engaging now is not the natural course of nature and I cannot accept it and probably never will but I cherish your friendship :)

This lead me to another subject that dawn upon me this morning. "Seek"

Dictionary.com suggests the definition of seeking to be

1) To go in search of/quest of
2) To try/ ask

Marcus come to an analogy of a mother losing a child inside a shopping mall and the frantic actions taken by the child and the mother is my definition of seeking. The child will look at all corner seeking for his mother and the mother will not leave things to chance while seeking her son.

Maj Peter once said to me on the issue on my admission into local university that I will know what to do if I wanted something bad enough.

Yes, we seek many things in life. Wealth, fame, family, etc. This list goes on and on. Marcus will leave you with a thought for the day. At the end of our life, lying on the bed, looking at your family, children and probably grand-children, what really matters to you? And if that thing matters to you the most, what are you doing to SEEK that thing today? :)

Sorrow

2008-08-09T22:07:00.003+08:00

Today's National Day. Happy 43rd Birthday Singapore.

However, today's not exactly a happy day for Marcus. While the nation celebrates her birthday, many family seize the occasion to gather together to catch up with one another. Marcus spend the entire day at home and made a saddening discovery.

I discovered that I don't know my father. As confidently as I can say out my name, I regret to say that I barely know my father. My father is a shadowy figure in my life. He has taught me several life skills, discipline me when I was younger but now we barely talk.

Looking back in time, I cannot recall when this started but it seems like it has been a long time since I have a laugh/chat with my dad. Saddening isn't it? Will his character have a bearing on my future character? I don't know.

Let's see what I can make out of daddy. Daddy has been a figure of authority over my life. He governs the family with a dictatorship style of leadership. Daddy is an intelligent man; he stripped his new car to the last screw and managed to assemble it back together. Dad is a man of deep thoughts and seldom shares his feelings. I don't know what daddy really like or dislike =(

Daddy bring home the bread and butter and often bring home exotic food for us to try. But though he brings the family out for meals and outing, something is lacking. I cannot pin-point the exact cause for this feeling but just that I have not been close to my father.

To my friends who have a close relationship with your dad, cherish it. Marcus wish his relationship with his dad can be better but there seems no immediately remedy to this relationship. Daddy often wants things done his way and when I was younger and more dependent, I remember doing things that my dad wanted me to do but inside of me, I wasn't fully convinced.

To daddy, I know you love me but I can't seem to find a reason to love you. =(

Daddy says he's a family man and wants the same for me. I will say that yes, Marcus has grown into a family-orientated man but the stressed relationship with daddy seems to be affecting me. Should I drown this feeling and continue to be happy Marcus?

I haven't felt this sad for a very long time. The last time was probably when Sirus died but I got over in a matter of hours. While I recall telling some of my closer friends that Marcus lost the ability to grief, I am surprised to inform you that somehow today, I was feeling quite sad for no reason.

Haven't been this honest with myself but let's try to make a picture of myself =) No no, I shall write that into a written journal and keep it. But if you want to read, you can try asking me for the written journal *winks

Today's coming to an end. I told myself tomorrow's going to be a better day and I believe so. However, I decided to blog this event for it has been a while since I felt sad and I shall title this entry Sorrow.

Good Night

Time

2008-07-22T21:23:00.002+08:00

How interesting that the last blog entry was in Oct 2007. It seems like only yesterday when I graduated from poly and enlisted into the Army. As cliché as it sounds, looking back I have matured much over the last year. Much to discuss probably will blog in the near future.

I met a cab driver today. It is interesting to note that sometimes we can be so blinded by character that we fail to realise that is nothing wrong with the situation. Rather all we need to take a step back and reflect.

Yes, reflection is a critical step in growing up.

Beautiful Sunday Afternoon!!!

2007-10-28T16:27:00.000+08:00

It seems that the blog has been stagnant for quite a while. *Thankfully there isn't water bodies otherwise i could be fined for breeding mosquitoes.

"A reflection is a written statement that captured in time and space. There are things that cannot be recovered, in fact most of the things that we do cannot be reversed, the words we say...

Words are thoughts expressed. Humans are intellectual being and the only difference the sets us apart from the beast of the field is our ability to think but more importantly to control our thoughts and actions.

Selfish. Humans are naturally selfish. May i propose the law of self-preservation. This law suggests that at the most basic level, the need for survival will supercede any friendship/character to do things that are of importance at the moment to ensure survivability. Interestingly, it stems up from the basic emotion of love.

Love, joy and hope. Hope is the substance that sustain us in tough times. Hope can be dashed. Who can comprehend the power of memory?

People say life is unfair and Life is all about fate. I say Yes! Life is unfair but we do have a control on how we deal with it. Do we drown in our self-pity when things don't go our way or do we get up and think or solutions? Are you a problem solver? If you are not a solution, you are part of the problem.

Life is a course of cause and effect. Whatever seed you plant, you'll reap whatever plant. Likewise, what you eat in excess will be reflect in the excess you have on your waist etc..."

These are some of my thoughts which i've written down sometime in history and didn't to share it on the internet to whoever that may chance upon this blog.

And if you chance upon this blog and feel that life is meaningless, i'll like to encourage you that there are millions of people out there who thinks the same. Do drop me a message on the side tag, i'll see if i could be of any help..

Regards
Marcus

Changes

2007-06-08T16:36:00.000+08:00

Changes are inevitable in life. Life itself is a journal of changes. People change, weather change, there nothing that doesn't change, perhaps God but that's about it.

Hence, to navigate in this journal we call life, we need to learn how to adapt to changes since changes are part and parcel of life itself. How we adapt to changes varies from person to person. While some are more open to changes naturely, some are resistant to changes

Many factors account for the resistant to changes and the primary reason i can come up with is probably our comfort within our comfort zone. Most of us are exposed to the term comfort zone and what it really means is the fact that we are all creatures of habits. We like to do things the same way we did it before.

Looking back in the journal of life, I've been changing quite a bit. From physical aspect all the way to spiritual aspect, there are changes, countless. Friends change, environment change. I recall the times i played on the field outside my house with my neighbour, fancy badminton across your dividing fence with your neighbour, soccer with my sister, hide and seek under my house in Katong, WoW!

I suppose the remnant of changes is known as memories. I shall end of this blog with a prayer for all who reads this entry that may you memories be sweet for now and forever.

:)

2007-05-10T12:57:00.000+08:00

Hi blog! Nothing much to update of the recent although it's been years, and just perhaps a year maybe? since i've last blog. Anyway, just to update those who still visit the blog, if there are any, I'm currently in OCS, 4th month into my course.

Life been great, with its regular wave like the ocean. Who defines the sea? Or rather is there any pattern whereby the ocean by ahere to? I suppose it's with life. Life throw you all sorts of challenges and it's your ability to cope and handle stress that sets you apart from the rest.

Thoughts are flying through my mind as i pen this entry. It's hard to capture all of my thoughts although it'll be nice if all my thoughts can be doccumented into a movie. *i wonder what the singapore movie board will give for its rating.

Identity Crisis. This word has been ringing through my brain for quite a while but haven't really been able to put some though to it. Everyone needs an identity. It's something we are born with, something that we require. It's like living and exisiting. Once a man loses his vision, he cease to live, he merely exisit. Likewise, once we lose our identity, we lose our vision and we lose our purpose for living

Everyone search for a reason of exisitance, Some turn to religion, some turn to friendship while some turn to God. While i decline to comment on any of these means, there are some who seek numbness in pleasure of the world. Alcohol, drugs, somking, clubbing, one-night stands, all these are pleasurable to the flesh. But when light pierce into the dark night, one will realise that all these time has been in vain.

On the last day of ones' life, a question will be asked. Have all you lived for in this life, was it a dream or merely an illusion

Simply
Marcus

Idle

2006-06-28T10:22:00.000+08:00

Hmm.... I guess i was created a thinking creature perhaps blessed with extra processing power but yesterday evening, i did something i never did before :)

sound so exciting right but actually, i'm just making it sound HUGE :)

Yesterda evening, while on the way home in a train, i was thinking what do people think.. hmmm... got that? I was not longer processing the personality of that person but i was actually processing the thoughts of that person.

Sound fun right but i wasn't having much fun..

I noticed 2 things

1) Whenever people are not doing anything, they would close their eyes and rest. Why?? I don't know. maybe because they have a long day... ...

2) The second thing the people do was to ponder, you could see it thro their eyes when their gaze comes into your eyes. Some could be pondering what to do when they get home or perhaps some pondering over that cute girl at the door..

However, i realize that an idle mind is as dangerous as a knife left carelessly on the table. Every weapon has two capablities. One, to protect and defend and the second to invade and destroy.

So, with a idle weapon laying, it would take a rocket scientist to guess what the devil would want to do with that weapon..

Smile guys. Just a revelation :) *winks

To an unknown audience?

2006-04-25T15:54:00.000+08:00

Title: To an unknown audience

It seems like its quite a while since my last entry. Nth much to write i suppose or should i say too much to update? well..

today, i made 2 cakes of the same kind. Steamed Egg Cake? haha Marcus thinks that maybe the chinese name sounds nicer? anyway, i took the recipe from the secondary 1 home-econ book. oh btw, that book has some nice recipes :)

erm... nth else to update... i've got Cell Group (CG) later at 8pm.

perhaps there'll more to update tomorrow

Until "tomorrow" comes, goodbye and all the best for the future guys!!

Excited

2005-07-21T20:23:00.000+08:00

HiHi! In less than 24 hours, I'll offically change my status from schooling to HOLIDAY!!! Haha.. sounds a little blown up but it's sseems like years since i enjoyed my last holiday.

Anyway, to come think about it, I don't have much holidays left and even so, i don't have much schooling left to do. Hmm... Is it good or bad? I guess it'll leave it for you guys to ponder yeah.

Next week, i've got so much things to do and I've got only a week. First up in my list is the retreat trip to KL. Aww... the nice food and shopping... *bubble burst! got to watch my weight before... hahah

i guess i haven't got much to update you guys. update again when i come back from KL.

*miss you all

Hello

2005-04-26T14:36:00.000+08:00

Hello Everyone! I am in Beijing, China right now! I'll be returning to Singapore on the 21 of May 2005 and am missing so so much of my friends and loved ones!

Survived the first week in Beijing. Gotta control my diet as the food there is very delicious however, it's rather spicy therefore the primary food diet that is constantly on our diet are usually fried rice, fried beans etc etc.

Anyway, i forgotten to tell you guys that i cannot see my blog due some internet restriction. I hope and i pray that everything is going on fine back in singapore and can't wait to go back and meet all my friends and spend time with my loved ones, family and of course, my cosy bed.

Will try to update in this blog but since i cannot see any tag reply, could i request that you email me at sp_sucram@hotmail.com

Thanks and God bless

Hmm...

2005-04-09T13:34:00.000+08:00

The Abomination of Desolation

It's rare that i write two blog within such short proximiaty to each other however, within the period of 10 mins, too much things happened.

Here i am inside a cold and peaceful environment. Everything is still, can hear my own breathing as well as the computer's processing sound. Was somehow blog hopping when i stumbled upon yue ming's blog.

The presence of God came upon me. I guess God loves us too much to leave us in the dark. I could picture myself being surrounded with the cloud of the presence of God. However, the presence of God was around me but not within me. I wasn't carrying the presence of God.

I don't know how much you know that God loves you but i know deep on the inside of me, that God loves me too much. Much more than i can ever imagine or could even repay. God, the most powerful and wonderful God, humbled himself, came down as man, chose to die on the cross, chose to get beaten, chose to get spat at, chose to get rejected. For whom?

It was for me and you. It was out of pure geniue love. The love that no gold nor silver can buy. People might not understand you now, or even forever, but it doesn't matter. We may face persecution but it doesn't matter. One touch from heaven is more precious than the life that i have, more valuable that all the money i can ever earn, one touch from heaven would take my life into a new dimension.

To shuk wai, honestly, i didn't know that being a teacher was that difficult. But look upon the face of Jesus. How he needed to die on the cross in order for us to come back into a relationship with us. Teaching isn't easy and it never will be. You have earned my respect and you have inspired me to grow in the lord. You might not know how or why or when, but take my word, you have. and a big thank you.

To yue ming: people will not know how much you care, some might take you for granted. You are a emotional person. Filled with more emotions than normal. That means that you are an important member in our cellgroup. You are the glue, the bonder within our cellgroup. No one might see you role, no one might understand what you are going thro. But our Father in heaven sees it, He is smiling and SHOUTING: "hey look, that's my daughter ming ming. :) " You will find your breakthro soon. And somehow, I know it's coming soon. You'll be surprise how sweet that will come.

Now, here i am in the room. Trying to hold back my tears. The atmosphere of the room has changed. Holy Spirit is in the room. His presence is here. Sometimes, we could literally touch the presence of God.

I just want to say that don't ever leave Him. Please don't ever leave God. It's my plea to all my christian friends. For our new brother and sister in christ, God has a plan for you. Yes you even eileen.. God has a plan for you. A great destiny for you.

When i was younger in my walk with Christ, i thought that if i couldn't fulfill my destiny, God would just use someone else to do the job. But no, without you, YOU, that destiny will NOT be fulfill. There will remain a void in your heart. Forever.

We search for love all the time. Babies seek love from their parents, then eventually from relationships and from their spouse and hobbies, etc. But on the inside of every human, we are created with a void. With a longing for something that the world can never offer.

For all my friends who are searching for the perfect relationship, I promise you that you will never find in the world. Stop wasting all your youth looking for the cute guy only to be hurt one day. Yeah, you might say hey, my bf loves me. But every one of us isn't perfect and one day, he might turn his back on you.

For all those who knows that there's a longing in your heart, please please stop suppressing that feeling. Stop rejecting the call of God. Stop hurting God. God almighty don't want your gold or silver or your HDB flat. All He wants is a relationship with you. He wants to talk to you and be a friend to you.

Lastly, i want all of the christian who don't have parental objection to know that you are very fortunate. Today, I experienced and saw before my eyes. How a child of God, who loves his presence, who adores the Holy Spirit, came so close to going to church but got rejected. I was convicted within my heart at that moment. I never knew that going to church was a blessing that i has been experiencing.

Jia Li is going to be someone of great destiny. Hallelujah! Yeah, trust me people, if she keeps on her walk with christ, she'll come up to be someone of great destiny. Out of the mouth of children comes pure praise.

To all my friends: Pray for me. Thanks

:)

2005-04-09T10:28:00.000+08:00

The following content is explict restricted to M180. Children under the age of 18 are advised to leave the blog immediately.

...

....

.....

WHAT ARE YOU STILL LOOKING AT?

Anyway, for all the naughty people who don't understand english, here's my blog.

happy birthday to mummy.

Everything gonna be alright, i've got Jesus in me. Void is a word that has creep into the society recently. According to dictionary.com, void is defined as Null, devoid, lacking of something...

I pray that i'll never be using this word in my life but somehow or rather, we live in a fallen world. A preverted world of corrupted morals and ungodliness has began. At certain phrase of my life, i have to confess that void was used to describe those times.

God has given blessed me with an analytical mind and it has wonderful. These are things which i haven't shared to all my friends. In the past, i used to be a shy and always keep things to myself. I ponder on issue of life and many other things.

Maybe here's a glimpse on the other side of Marcus. I can be just a little naughty at times. Though not many has seen that side of me but those that has seen it wished they haven't.. Haha.. i don't think it's that bad lah hor? *winks

Anyway, i don't know what's the purpose of this entry but somehow since i felt like exercising my fingers, i shall continue for a while more. Hmm... I'll be leaving for china in a weeks time. Well, i guess there will be things that i'll miss. LIke my bed, cell group meeting, etc etc

However, here's something that i've seldom felt before in my life until recently. The feeling of missing someone so badly, wishing that they could be with you but yet you are so powerless to bring them to yourself.

Powerless... Hmm... this word has evoke some thoughts into my mind at this point of time. What is power? Is power just a word found in the dictionary, or perhaps power is a technical term used by mechanics? hmm... what about power is something women could never understand why men would die to achieve it?

Well, i guess the greatest power i would ever see in my life is something really simple yet powerful. It's LOVE. Love is very power. It's the same power that would drive any mother to dive in the way of her children just to save their life. It's also the same power that will drive couple to save up for months just to buy something sweet.

If you have noticed, love requires action. You can love something without giving, but you can never give without loving. Love requires proof. It require you to do something or rather will i say that love will drive you to do something.

Friends, watch what you say when you say i love you in the future. To some of us, it's a meaningless word however, to another party, it could mean life and death. Flirting around isn't a form of love but rather it's a form of selfishness.

Shall continue my blog some other time. Got to catch up on my studies.

*marcus misses someone lots

So tired...

2005-04-06T22:36:00.000+08:00

Marcus is drained...

Sometimes, i wish i have the energy to run forever, the power to do all the things within the shortest period of tome and the wisdom to do extremely well for my exams.

I feel distant from my source of strength, i feel like i'm drying up somehow but i don't know why? I seems like someone has opened up my spiritual tank and let it leak and there's nothing that has been done.

Popped by jacinta's blog this week and naughtly tagged in her blog... lolx ( that explains for her reply in my blog) haha

anyway, i've got an exam coming in 24 hours and i'm not even 24% done with my exams. My mind is on the verge of an overheat. There are things that some of you might not know. I was born with an thinking mind and my brain tend to process many things. At the point, i feel that the processing speed of my brain is going to blow up... I cannot take it anymore...

Help! Help me Oh Lord. Sometimes, i wish God would take me to heaven and leave all my problems behind. But i know that wouldn't happen. Cos God didn't make me a loser, God made me a winner! God made marcus to be the HEAD and not the tail, ABOVE and not beneeth.

God spoke to me once that He knew that I'm going be alright. and I asked how do He knows. He simply replied: " Cos i made you"

I'm feeling better than the beginning of the blog. As i was chatting with some of my friends on msn, I wish i could help all of them with their problems. But sometimes, i got to admit that i'm not superman.

Tribute to eileen: All the best in your relationship with your bf. May you have a sweet lasting relationship okay...

*someone is staring at my blog now... Got to go... bye bye

p.s: all the best to your exams ppl

An Update

2005-04-01T23:44:00.000+08:00

Marcus Times

Issue #3

Top of the MONTH:

1) Tsunami hits the island of Eileen

2) Happy April's Fool

3) Cell Group

Welcome to the next issue of Marcus Times. Before we begin, let's take a look at what the author has got to say:

Welcome into the month of April! This issue of Marcus Times has been delayed due to the heavy workload from the education system. On behalf of the production team, I thank you for your patience and your kind understanding.

I pray that none of you has fallen into tricks on the April's Fool Day. Indeed time flies, it seems that as the years go by, time seems to have increase its velocity with society ever-increasing standard of living. The past one month has been quite eventful and do read on to find out more. Until the next issue, have a wonderful day.

God Bless,

Marcus

Tsunami Hits Island of Eileen

Last week, the island of Eileen experience her worst disaster ever in 18 years history. Waves of damaging emotions hit the island at around 1200hours last wednesday. Although caulties number has yet to be confirmed, local athorities has estimated that damages caused was life-threathing with several experts suggesting a potential life-time damage to the Heart of the island.

Earthquake BGR , measuring 10 on the reter scale, causing prior to the tsunami was dated 2 months back. Earthquake BGR started off without any imminent signs of a major disaster but several weeks after, Earthquake BGR started causing damages to the island and creating a havoc withing the life on the island of Eileen.

Due to the sensitivity of the island, our publication cannot proceed further into pictoral details. But the author would like to express his heart-felt sorrow but at the same time, wish all couples a blessed relationship.

Benny Himn Healing Conference/ Sly Rogers Service

Hallelujah!!! During the week of Sly Rogers, Jia Li has gave her heart to the Lord! The author would like to wish and bless the beloved daughter of God in her walk with the Lord, trusting in the Lord always.

Benny Himn Healing Conference was the turning point in the life of Marcus. As this issue of Marcus Time was late in publication, the author apologized for any missing of details. Marcus was serving in the choir and witness before his eyes the healing power of God. However, what Marcus received during the conference was beyond the physical healing that took place. For the first time in his life, Marcus experience the feeling of gratitude from the Lord.

We can never out-do, out-witt, out-class and out-give God. God will NEVER shortchange us. For all those that are facing troubles currently, Hang in there. God has given you the strength to help you thro' whatever crisis you might be in.

During Sly Rogers service, the man of God taught us that God is working in our life and is constanly purifying us and part of the purification is the purging of the old ways that is in us and imparting the new Godly ways into our new mind.

During the purging, we might be tempted to return to our old ways. The good news was that God is 100% aware of the situation but the process of purification cannot be ignored. When tempted, all we got to do is to ADMIT and SUBMIT to God our carnal thoughts and old ways.

Hallelujah!

Dream/Cell Group on the 31 of March

Marcus had yet another dream within the last one month. This time, the dream was the reflection and the exhibition of God's love for us. We are not prefect and we cannot be prefect based on our own strength. We struggled from time to time, and Marcus is no exception.

There are times Marcus was spiritually down and off-track. But God never seems to give up on me. In the dream, I has spiritually back-sliden and was just putting an act in front of my cell group members and friends that everything was alright, where on the inside, I knew that nothing was going fine. Somehow, got cellgroup meeting that day and there was a special man of god there in the mist of the cellgroup.

During the time of worship, that man prayed for me. He touched my head and i backed off. He touched me again and i moved backed a second time. Finally he touched me and i can no longer resist the love of God anymore. I felt the Holy Spirit entering into my body. A feeling i have never experience before. It's like a ballon filled with the presence and the power of the Holy Spirit. After which, I woke up

During the cell group meeting on the 31 of March 2005, my situation was similar and wasn't looking forward to too much in the cell group meeting. During the pre-cellgroup prayer meeting, I almost fell asleep. During praise and worship, I didn't get into the realm of the spirit and to make matter worse, I wasn't feeling too well physically. However, God didn't let me down. He loves me too much to see me left in that state.

During the sermon, towards the end of it, God reminded me of the annointing that He has placed on me. He reminded me of his love for me and I responded. During the second praise and worship, I was sucked into the realm of the Spirit. I was bathed in the presence of the Holy Ghost. Hallelujah.

God loves YOU! Praise the Lord if you are walking right before the Lord. But if you are not, may i encourage you to pray to Him tonight. May i challenge you to seek his face. And if you were to do that, I am sure that my God will not disappoint you. He will come and touch you the same way he touched me.

My prayer is that you would discover the Author of Love, Jesus Christ. His life and death represnt the greatest gift of love the world will ever see, a gift for you. All you need to do is to accept it and a brand new start to a life lived in relationship with God will begin.

Meeting God isn't as tough as meeting the prime minister. All it requires is a simple prayer, a conversation with Jesus asking Him to meet you right where you are. My friends, if you have back-sliden, or you are not sure that you know God and that you are going to heaven, then make this prayer now...

Dear Jesus,

I need you... I need Your grace to forgive me and I need Your love to change me. Thank you for your amazing love and thank you for givng me life and eternity. But above all, I thank you for dying on the cross for me. Now, i'm a Christian, which means You live in me and I belong to you. I will live my life for You and I will love you forever.Amen.

Lost

2005-03-09T11:15:00.000+08:00

Hello everyone, I trust that everyone is doing great and things are going the way it's supposed to be.

As for me, things are not exactly the way it's supposed to be. With reports still at hand and a heavy week ahead, there's seems like the light at the tunnel which appear so near has became yet so far.

Updated a couple of minor details in my blog yesterday and was considering whether anot to blog but decided to do some work before my work load gets out off hand...

There are times, i wish i don't have to study and of course there are time i wish i could just relax at the beach over a glass of cold lemonade and just enjoy the sea breeze with a labrador by my side. How heavenly but yet so void.

I've got to say that i'm feeling down over the events that has taken place in my life. Some of which is public while most of them are in private. How true can the statement of " the greatest enemy in life is yourself"!!!

And the greatest battlefield is in our mind! Can you image the struggle that's going thro inside my brain. Something, i wish i could just turn off and go and sleep and everything gonna be alright.

Yeah, i remember once sly roger said that God will not take away the feelings i am going thro now. He will not take them away but He wan to satisfy my feelings. For he gave me feelings for good.

Yesterday, i went to bed with a mind full of thoughts. All the homeworks, reports, problems that i faced, etc etc. I couldn't go to bed ut eventually i dosed off... I dream of tragic events happening.

I was out with my mum and suddenly, I began a tiger and attacked her. I didn't eat her up but instead just ate her feet. The following day in school, the police came over to school and asked for me for further investigation. I was feeling guilty, the same feeling when you've done something wrong and was about to get caught.

However, at the time, i was having PE at some stadium so the two policemen were seated while we did P.E... The PE activity was to crawl across the basketball court on fours. Everyone did the activity but while i was doing, my mind was as if there was an explosion of thoughts going thro my head.

While i did my crawl, i recalled hearing the teacher, Dr. Ong saying, "I guess i wouldn't be seeing you for the next lesson afterall" and then i saw my secondary school friend, Marcus Cheong completing his crawl.

Then somehow, Yong Ling came up to me and said:" I believe that you're innocent" but i knew inside of me that i wasn't so i just smiled and waked away. Then finally, I spoke to a friend and instructed him specifically to inform Jia Ling to pray in tongues then pray for me... And the class left for lessons and i wake up.

Well, the dream seems like a reflection of the problems and distress i am doing thro. I don't know what it means but don't look too optimistic yeah...

Oh, yesterday i had an encounter with God on the way to school! I was sleeping on my bed and my maid bugged me to go for lesson. I don't know why but somehow, i angrily changed and got out of my house and left for class. It was around 1230pm and my next lesson is at 1pm so that means i am going to be late.

As i walked to the MRT, i was telling God that there's nothing i could do about time but i simply prayed that by his grace, i could rush school by 115pm and that Mr. Ho will not get too upset by it.

Praise the Lord, somehow, the time slowed but and the train sped up and i got there by 120pm and Mr. Ho respected me and didn't scolded me. But that's not the highlight.

It was on the way to school, while inside the train, God asked me if i think i am smart. I though for a while and i said i was. Then He asked me, what will a wise man trade for a love of his life. And i answered everything. Then told me that there is someone has loved me so much that he gave his life for me so that i can have a relationship with him.

Then He presented to me the example whereby a lover baked a cake and gave his gf a surprise by turning up at her house and she was touched and felt loved.Then God went on to asked me if i will be touched if my gf will to advertise her love for me at suntec mega display screen. well, of course i would be touch and love her even more.

At time point of time, God told me that He has advertised his love for me all over the world and millions of people are reading his confession every day.

To further prove my foolishness, God asked me what do i think of people who has experience the love but rejected it for something else in the world? My immediate answer was stupid. That was exactly was God was telling me!

Now God asked me if it was too much to ask for if a man who has gave his life out of love to have a relationship with the one he died for. Yet people in the world are rejecting him. God showed me that He don't need or want our money, our gold, our silver. He don't want our houses. All he desires was to have a relationship with me.

but yet i've rejected him, closed the door and harden my heart. Yet he gently knock on the door of my heart. In life, when things don't go right and problems arises, the devil is seating at his throne laughing at our mistakes but Jesus is at the door asking for permission if he could come into our lifes and solve all our problems. He says: stretch out your hands and i will give you life!

he is gently knocking on our hearts now. Now God asked if we will open our lifes and hearts to him once again.

Sing O Barren!

2005-03-06T11:26:00.000+08:00

Praise the Lord

There are many things that happened in the past few weeks where i didn't blog. I guess what's in the past, we'll leave it in the past alright..

Let's look at the present, relationships seems to be the topic close to my heart recently. The previous entry was written on the day before Ps Ulf Ekman preached on brotherly love.

I'll share a little secret about myself in the entry. God has placed a shy nature on the inside of me and the way i react to shyness is simply by interacting with people. So in a way, people don't believe i'm shy. Ask mingying and she'll tell you how shy i could get.

Anyway, talking about mingying, haven't been in contact with her for a couple of days. Honestly, felt cold towards the relationship that i cherish. In my life, there are many and will have many relationship, and of all the relationships, there will be some that will mean alot to me.

The relationship i have with my heavenly father have to be improved and will improve in the name of Jesus! I've got to love Him more and more. There's no doubt in me that my Father in heaven loves me. I will never doubt in my life about the magnitude of His love for He haws revealed His love to me in many many ways and I thank you Father.

The next relationship that i deemed dear to me is my family relationship. I have two family. My family in christ and my family that God has placed me in!

I love my father, my mum, my sister and my maid and not forgotting my dog, Sirus! hehe Sirus's my first dog in my memory. Been through quite a bit with him anyway, I thank God for the relationship i have in my family. Great father who supports me and a mother that encourages me. Sister for disturbing and a dog to play with. What more can i ask from God?

My cell group has been CONFIRMED!!! W117... I'll stay in the cell group for a while. Yeah, i'll grow in the cell group, I'll be rooted to the body! As christian, we are called individually into the unity of one body. Into the body of christ. The cure for jealousy is the love for one another. I've learnt the key to releasing jealousy! Hallelujah!

As each member is called into the body of Christ, just like a cell is to a body, EVERY cell is christ to one another! That means that I am Jesus Christ to my brothers and sister and at the same time, they are Jesus Christ to me! That's the whole picture of love your neighbour as yourself!

In a body, every cell plays a part and recently God showed me that when the devil trys to attack the body, he'll want to isolate that cell to attack. In the same way, when a cell of our body is removed, it loses the oxygen from the main stream and dies eventually. Praise the Lord! WE have to stay united in the body! As ONE cell group in One church thro One holy spirit worshipping One god loving him only!

Once, i shared with a friend that when we are guilty, done something wrong or just not feeling right, we'll want to isolate ourselves! And it's those period of isolation that the devil will come and try to pull us away from the body, our source of strenght and life!

Hallelujah!

The next relationship that is close to my heart is the relationship i have with mingying! I guess i haven't really talked about the relationship i share with her! It is one of the bittersweet relationship that God has placed into my life and i cherish the times i have with her!

*blush blush

People often ask me if i am in love and i always brush them aside without addressing their question directly... Sorry guys, Marcus is shy...

Had a talk this morning and was counting the blessing that mingying has brought into my life. She've been there for me when i needed help most. She stood in the gap. Yeah, she was mad at me for some stupid reason but i thank God that she held on till the end.

I will have to credit her for the effort she has placed into the stability in my christian life. But that doesn't mean i downplay the role of my heavenly father for his grace and mercy and Jesus for His Love and Holy Spirit, for your guidance and strength and joy and love and everything!

A big thank you LORD!!!

But to the girl: I love you!

Love

2005-02-22T12:30:00.000+08:00

Falling in love is a sweet feeling that no words can ever express magnitude.

Liken it to describing the taste of sweetness, no words will ever describe the feeling!

To as many as are out there who are wondering if marcus has finally settled down, the truth is marcus has been in and out of love throughout my teenage years.

There's no better feeling than falling in love and no feeling worst than falling out of it! Over the years of puppy love i've experienced, i came to realised that we humans are created for love to love. It simply means that we seek to be love and at the same time, we want to be love.

There is a void in our hearts that only love can fulfill.

"You will never know the true value of something until the day you lose it"

Update

2005-01-31T21:43:00.001+08:00

Hello everyone! Marcus is back to give you guys a quick update!

Was struggling early in the evening... =( I was having dineer and feel this acute pain in my stomach. It was so painful that i could hardly walk. Then i fell into a deep sleep while recovering for the pain. I trust that everything will be fine. Got to take care of my body in order to take care of people i love. =)

But the most important thing i wish to update is the goodness of my Lord, Jesus who promised never to forsake me in times of trouble and darkness. Sometimes, things just don't go our way and we get tired... We try to look for love but they are no where to be found.

I am not sure about you guys but do you guys sometimes you just want to be loved? just to hear someone say I love you. Or someone to come over to you and give you a pat/ a hug? Or perhaps even simple acknowledgement that you even exist!

That's the problem with our world! You don't find much love around. Well, you can if you are doing well, but whenever you are down/ not in a good shape, you'll notice that people tend to "avoid" you but in fact, it's not during the times when we are doing fine when we need people to love us, but it's in the time of need that we long for people to support us, to love us and to build us up.

Throughout my 19 years, i come to realise that the people that knows you best are sometimes the people that hurts you most. You assume that they will come and love you when you needed love and support. But instead, they leave you alone. That's the most saddenning thing.

However, i thank my mum for bringing me to christ! and all the mumerous people who throughout my christian walk have helped me up, rebuked me when i was wrong and praise me when i am doing the right thing.

Some people say that money makes the world go around. Somehow, i agree that money makes this world go around but its love that keeps the world round. Its love that binds people together! For out of love, Christ gave his life for me...

Hehe, i guess i am talking a little too much on christianity, but its my blog right? hehe.. alright alright... i guess i'll stop here.. got to go and send some data to hazel and jialing. As well as get going on my revision for my wednesday test

hello!

2005-01-31T21:43:00.000+08:00

Hmm...

2005-01-28T13:41:00.000+08:00

Looks like not everyone got to see the last post that marcus has blog. Well, i guess it should be considered a blessing that only minimal people got to view that entry rather than a tradegy. So, smile people. If you seen that blog, good for you... :) if you haven't then... look on the brighter side, at least you've seen a miracle taking placing before your eyes. Marcus blogged?

haha

Hmm.. some might wonder what made me blog this time. haha, honest, it was a movie that i saw yesterday. Yesterday, after my QAS presentation which ended around 330pm, i was waiting for jialing to finish hers so that we can go to cell group together. So, at around 4 plus plus plus. she was finally done and i decided to give my CLS welfare com meeting a miss and go shopping with her.

Jia ling is a natural shopping while I was on the verge of collapsing, somehow we came to the ticketing booth at jurong point so i suggested that we catch a show... as well as a chance for me to get some rest :X

THe show wasn't that awesome or fantastic, however, the show is an evocative one. Something that set my mind thinking. OKay okay... i can hear shout from you people asking me the title of that movie... here you go... Elektra

Hmm... looks like marcus is running out of time to blog as my next class is in 10 mins time and here i am at T4 blogging... haha

Just to update, marcus is currently doing great! Cell group was awesome yesterday and if there is any place i wish i can go day after day, that would be the house of god! It's where there is pure love, not the love of the world.

We are living in a world where love has been perverted. I am not saying here that you cannot find love anymore but there are conditions attached to the love you can find in the world. I came across one saying which speaks of the most valuable commodities in the world isn't gold or money or all the nice house you can find. It's not even your wife or your parents. But the most valuable commodity in the world is : TIME

Simply because you cannot trade time for anything, but you can never trade anything for time. Not one second can be bought with all the wealth that you have. My friends, i just wish to encourage you all to use your time wisely. Don't waste your life on earth on smoking or clubbing or whatever... Even maple story!

This leads me to the next thing that's on my mind. I receive an email this morning that reminded me of relationships. If anyone of you wants to know the secret of a success relationship. Simply invest time in it... If you want to succeed in your studies, just invest time in it... and it works for anything.

It even works for money.. what do we have to do if we want more money, we have to invest more time in it, by working right... So what i am saying that time isn't something to play around with. Use your time wisely my friends!

the following will be an extract from the email i read. with this, i shall call it an end to this edition of the silly_bear times. Till the next blog, still happy and healthy !!!

Jesus' Invitation

REVELATION 3:20 NKJ20 "Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears Myvoice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine withhim, and he with Me.

Most people think this verse is directed to non-believers.

Notso.

Jesus was talking to those already in the church.

How sad!

This is the Lord, the Head of the church, speaking to His ownpeople.

"If you will open up to Me, we will enjoy times offellowship."God desires your fellowship. He wants you to spend time withHim. But He invites -- He never forces.

We enjoy the presence of those who love us, especially when wealso love them. God loves you more than anyone else does. So,you shouldn't need to be forced, or talked into, spending timein fellowship with God.

1 CORINTHIANS 1:9 NIV9 God, who has called you into fellowship with his Son JesusChrist our Lord, is faithful.

God has called you. You must choose whether to answer.

Who would you rather know than God?Spending time with someone is the way you get to know them. Youbegin to know what they like and dislike, and how they think.When you spend time with the Lord in His Word and prayer, you get to know Him.Spending time with someone is the only way to build arelationship.

Sick and frail

2005-01-04T22:58:00.000+08:00

Today, Marcus was feeling weak and frail throughout the day

Start my day with an evocative conversation with a friend of mine. We were discussing on the topic of child defects such as Down syndrome, Intelligence Quotient range of 50 to 70. Did you know that 1 in 10 children have birth defects! Boy was i glad to know that i didn't fall into the 10% of children with special needs.

I was actually refering to my neighbour. He's born with child defect. It's my pleasure knowing him and i believe he's 19 this year as well! Sometimes, i just wondered what's going on in his mind and his world, but i figured out that i'll never have the answer at least for now.

Although on the outside, sometimes, we tend to "pity" such people but in fact if you look on another view, they are practically stress-free and are living a life of their own.

Now, looking back at my own life, i was beginning to be thankful that i was born a healthy baby, though not perfect but without major defects! Praise the Lord. I wish want to share this experience that sometimes, when we look into the mirror, we think that we are just not good enough. Not handsome or pretty enough, or my hair is getting out of shape, or even exclaiming over the fact that you've got the slightest dark round around your eyes. We all do that without realising what a miracle it's been that we're born healthy and we ought to be thankful with what we have instead of complain of what we don't have.

Here a word of wisdom: Jealousy in its essence is nothing but a reminder about something you don't have.

I have to complete my blog for the day... Back to my day, I was on time for my first lesson of the day, enviromental studies practical! What a way to start your day! I guess the experiment could be consider a successful one without major problems encounter perhaps i would just mention the heater which took a while to start our sample boiling and the interesting AAS machine and poor Dr. Cheng didn't realise that the flame wasn't on till we're about to give up testing the sample for lead and copper.

Hmm... practical ended around 1015am then i went to food court 1 for a light breakfast and bumped into kaiming and zhen hui!!! Sure do i miss the days where we would go and play lan together and enjoy ourselves!

Mr. kwok lesson was up next and i have to admit i was close to falling asleep twice but had to pull myself together furthermore, kaiming and the girls were "insane" to be sitting right in the front row!!

After that, i had a lunch appointment with Chan, a buddy of mine! he's working in SP, inside the technical support room. We went to SP staff centre for lunch and i wasn't feeling comfortable. Guess it was the stomach cramps AGAIN.

I was a little late for my corrosion science lecture and got my first quiz date on the white board! Corrosion Science Quiz One 18 Jan 05... the lecture went on fine and i guess i could gasp what Mr. Ho was talking about.

Finally to end my day in campus, i have a two hours lecture with Mrs Leong. Slept during trace & transition elements & complexes lecture. I meant total shut down for perhaps 45 mins! I didn't recall anything she taught or said. Hmm... I need to replan my sleeping routine in order to be more alert in school!

Came straight home after lecture and fell to my bed and didn't wake up this a couple of hours before 12. Skipped my dinner as i am still bloated from today's feast. To think of the feast i'm going to have this week, i think i better start jogging to shed of the excess calories before i gain too much weight!

I guess that's most of what i wish to share for today! Love you all

2004-12-29T22:39:00.000+08:00

Smile everyone! I decided to write another entry dedicating this one to my lastest god sister,(jia ling) hehe. Anyway, don't have much to update actually perhaps i can talk about my christmas this year?

Wah! this year christmas has been the most eventful yet! i attended a total of 4 party in a 48 hour span and after that i practically could feel that i am heading into another health crisis! hehe

24 Dec 2004 ... ... hehe

Erm... Lessons don;t start till 10am so... i went to play badminton in the morning at bedok indoor badminton hall! Had a wonderful time there but lost the last game to an unknown newcomer! After that, i rushed down to school. On the journey to school, i fell asleep and almost miss the dover stop!

Lessons was boring as usual so i tried my best to listen but to no avail so my mind drafted away and i think i completed my math tutorial... not that bad right? :) after lessons, i went for yet another game of badminton with my dear classmates: vik, darren, peng hui. Met a few of my friends on the court but was feeling so tired and needed to preserve some energy for the following hours to come, i chose not to play a competitive game but instead was determine to make peng hui run! hehe so evil right?

after the badminton game, i was in a fix! i had to chose between going home or going to peng hui place cos the time was 230pm and my next programme which was celebration at the indoor stadium doesn't start till 7pm.. my mind was thinking of the sweet juciy turkey i had on my dining table at home and the comfortable warm bed that never cease to attract me! but on the other hand, peng hui house have nice games which are equally as tempting...

the final verdict: the court of sucram hereby declare that i should go to peng hui house... for those who didn't get it, it meant that i went to peng hui house. On our way there, we pit stopped at KFC to get some "supplies" but the supplies didn't last long before our stomach were demanding for more food! So, we had to turn to instant noodles for the answer. If my memory haven't fail me, i believe i had a cup of curry chicken noodles with an uncooked egg ... sound yummy to anyone?

somehow, i realised that i forgotten to bring something important and i need to rush home! the time was already 430pm and i was about to meet eileen at kallang at 530pm... hmm... tell you guys more about eileen some other time... anyway, i had to make a choice. I took the bet and rush back home as soon as i could but time wasn't on my side.

luckily, eileen was so sweet that she offered to change the meeting place to tanah merah instead! praise the lord! but still, i was late in meeting her. Cos i rushed back home and my mum was like preparing a dish of turkey for me and i couldn't stand the temptation and "wasted" 10 mins enjoying my food! only to realise that time didn't wait for me and i rushed through my shower and was like answer my phone half drenched!

I rushed down to tanah merah to meet eileen and she handed me a purple bag of gifts! isn't she a sweet girl! inside it was a handphone keychain and a cup! the cup is interesting cos it has a printing on it screaming "why am i so shy"

some back ground information: as some of you might know or have noticed, marcus is a shy guy... hehe agree?

so i believe that's why she gave me the cup. but since the cup was kinda small, i decided to use it as a sweet holder rather than for drinking!

by the time i finished meeting eileen, there's a poor victim named wei zhi who was waiting for me for approximately 45 mins. I am so so so so so sorry bro! Cos that day, i was in such mistimed confusion that i couldn't take control of my time management? okay guys, i'm getting blur here...

then i went to the indoor stadium and on the way, i met a friend who has access to the VIP entrance... so we got him to get us two seats as i wasn't sure my cellgroup could hold on to any seat that they would have reserved for us! Oh ya, i met michelle as well.

The performance was awesome and i regretted not calling my friends to the celebration cos the drama was so nice that i wish that all of my friends could come and watch it! After the celebration, i rushed off to punggol to meet poa choon to go over to one of my secondary school buddy's home!

i guess i'll continue the next time round yeah... time for advertisments! feeling very tired now.... sorry guys....

now introducing the lastest colgate total white toothpaste! the one that can ........12 hours of protection............ i think i'm going crazy... got to go and rest before i start typing crap here....

thanks for your attention and for those who are still reading here... think to go and rest! have a nice day

signing off:

marcus

Afterall, Not all is lost

2004-12-19T13:57:00.000+08:00

Here's something i wish to share from my thoughts. Each one of us pick up knocks and bruises from daily routines throughout our period we are on Earth. What matters most isn't the degree of pain these knocks brings us neither is it the scars that are left behind.

I believe what will eventually matters most is how we address the knocks and bruises that comes along in our lives. They come in all form and from all sources. Some comes from our friends in forms of rejection or even a simple comment could cause a major injury in our spirit. Other might come in forms of death of loved ones. I can never ever describe the lost and hurt of losing a mum or someone whom you love and cared about.

But it's not how intensive these knocks come about that will matter at the end of the day cos after a week, the loved ones would be buried / cremated or after a week, you'll patch up with your friends who insulted you, etc

But rather it's what happens to that comment or should i put it how you deal with it. There are many ways we deal with hurts throughout our lives,

Some of us chose to HIDE it. On the outside, we put on a perfectly crafted mask, no one would ever get to know what is on the inside of our heart. We know deep within us that the hurt and wound is hurting us badly but we chose to hide it rather than dealing with it. It's the same when it comes to cuts. It would hurt us to the bone but we need to deal with the pain if we ever want to recover from the "cuts" of the world.

Some of us chose to IGNORE it Pretending that the hurt never existed. To sweep it under the carpet praying hard that overtime the hurts would just dissolve in the air. Oh, how i wish that would be the case. Cos it that was the case, the answer to life would have been alcohol, drugs, smoking, etc

Whatever we chose, whether to shut the door to our hearts, or to ignore it might seems at the best solution at the moment. I love this saying to the core. God gave us feeling. And the reason why God don't remove the painful feeling is because He wants to address the problems properly. Isn't that comforting to hear that? I believe that if God will to hear our request and remove our feeling, He wouldn't be loving us but rather, putting us away when he numbs us of our feelings.

I've found people who got their requests answered and i wish to share it. You can find these people in mental institution! They are in a world of their own, with no one who can hurt them anymore and with no more pain and no more rejection. But at the end of the day, I asked myself is that what i want? To close up the door and be in a world of our own?

At this point, you might say NO! you might be thinking who on earth would be so foolish as to think of mental institution as a solution to our problems. But i wish to stop you on your tracks! I pled guilty of doing and i believe you at different point in life have done that before.

Try recalling the last thing you felt hurt... What was your first reaction? Was it to deal with the problem? Or was it to keep very quiet and try to isolate yourself? I would be lying to myself if i said i chose the first one cos i didn't! I followed something that was in me. It was within the human nature to isolate ourselves when things don't go right rather than to face it. That's the cause of my lost of joy. I hope to encourage all my friends who have access to my blog and i pray that you'll turn to the correct source for solution and not to drugs and drinking, etc.

A friend of mine once sent me an encouraging message that says: " Everyone of us at different time feel sad and down at different time. It's the solution that we chose that determines if we becomes winners or losers. God brings the problems to us to make us grow and become overcomer.

It's my prayer that all my friends will one day understand and experience the source of strength that has keep me sane for the past 18 years. And as i approach my 19 birthday with expectancy, and i look past, i realised that the period of time where i've grown the most was when i was with the lord.

Thank for reading to this part of the blog. The second part of this blog I wish to personally thank all my friends for their friendship. To all my friends: No words can better describe my gratitude then the following two words which have been used time and again! THANK YOU!!! Thank you all for encouraging me when i was down, you guys picked me up, healed me, encouraged me, spurred me on, cheer me on and of course, celebrated with me! Thank you!

Sick!

2004-12-19T13:29:00.000+08:00

Haven't been myself these few hours! Haven't been myself for the past 48 hours. Been sick in both dimensions! Feeling horrible and sick!

Wish someone could be there to comfort me.

I believe this is the shortest blog that i have ever written. There are something that i better said with silence.

A nice person once said, whenever someone asked me if marcus was your friend, I just smiled!

Hello!

2004-12-12T20:05:00.000+08:00

It's has been sometime since i last blogged. For all the loyal reader, here i am to write you another blog of my blog...

Hmm... not too sure where to begin cos i've got so much so much to tell you guys. Give me a moment to gather my thoughts. I know, i'll tell you guys about my attachment to start off...

ITP, industrial training programme. Another wonderful module by Singapore poly. I was attached to Internation Aerospace Tube-Asia for my 5 week of ITP... the working environment was wonderful! i made up my mind to be "shy" while in the company but i guess, i wasn't that "shy" afterall... The people there are wonderful and of course i'll personally wanna thanks the THREE beautiful NTU attachment girls there who helped me greatly during my ITP especially when it comes to the log book :)

I was attached to the engineering department and i shall not bore you guys with the details of what i did but all i'll say is that i learnt a lot.

But i am surprised that the 5 weeks was over so soon. was only beginning to enjoy myself then i needed to go. anyway, during my first week, or would i say the first few days., i made several blunders. and boy! was i scared? i mean it was the first few days and i screwed up a couple of things... but things begin to unfold beautifully.

my boss were nice, got moseof my lunch paid for. Get frequent lift back home, company lunches and of course, a farewell lunch especially for me! gee... i guess it was FANTASTIC. One staff even gave me a personal gift... okay okay.. i got to stop here before you guys who didn't get too good ITP starts planning to stone me to death...

*i'm sure you guys wouldn't right?

hmmm... perhaps will talk about the one who called me Ang Long Long... and claims it will brighten up her day... hmm... i wonder who sadistic can that person be... anyway, i'm glad she's recovering well from her bad fall a couple of weeks ago.. Thankfully, she's still as pretty! * wink wink

let's see what else to say... ... ... ...

let's talk about my results: i got 1 B+, 3 Bs, 1C+ and 1C... haiz.. guess it was a disappointment but still, I'll look on the bright side... A new term, a new hope, a new module, a new chance of getting my Grades. I wish all the best to my friends for the up coming semster and may you accomplish what you set out to do .

i'm running out of ideas on what to write... oh, just to let you guys know that i'm put on weight :( guess that due to that fact that i haven't been playing badminton for 5 weeks.

Oh, on the topic of badminton, i really have lost touch with the game... no chance of playing and of course, barely been able to draw strength to bring myself down to the courts on sat and sundays as i would most be recouperating...

Here's a new chapter in my life: I have hang up a phone for the first time in my life on a girl! I felt bad after that and of course, i apologized. but i guess i'll just need to learn to control my anger... I'll tell you guys more cos my sister is waiting to use my com...

Take care guys and hope to see you soon...

p.s: to that someone who calls me Ang Long Long, my birthday is coming :D

Post Exams Update

2004-11-06T17:30:00.000+08:00

Here are the post exams updates on my current status in life:

Haven't been feeling too well due the the drastic change in the weather i suppose as well as the fact that in less than 48 hours, i'll have to begin my work at some aerospace company for my "holiday" ITP...

The topics i'll be covering later in the day when i fully update my blog will be the crazy thoughts that came to my mind, the emotions felt during the exams, the thanksgivings, the plans I intend to do during the "holiday" and of course the goals for the coming semester.

Lots more to cover... so stay tune for the lastest update at www.silly_bear.blogspot.com

love you all and till then, signing out,

Marcus

Long time since i blogged?

2004-10-12T19:18:00.000+08:00

Hello and welcome to the much awaited blog of mine! Thanks for your patience? hehe

anyway, made a commitment that i will write my blog today and i should keep to my words! ^5

erm... don't know where to start and if i will to write all, i think blog server might not be able to support my blog.. they may even kick me out so.... i should keep it short... hahaha excuses only... :X

I shall tell you guys about my crazy criuse dream first. Yesterday, while i was resting, i had this blazzare dream! well, in the dream, I was supposed to be on a cruise on that day afternoon, so in the morning, i went out to play and somehow, i ended up on the cruise. Anyway, while on the cruise, i observed the cleaners were cleaning up the guest rooms awaiting the emarkment. So, i was just standing there watching the cleaners clean and close up doors by doors. Hmm... then i realised that i haven't checked in so i rushed and ran all the way to get the attention the crew.

Wanted to tell them that i haven't checked in so they could wait for me. But the time the cruise was meant to move off was 4 and it was already 3:45... i was scared? so i ran out into the custom area and saw the captain of the crusie checking into the custom... ARgh! i ran and told him if he could wait for me while i rush back in a cab and grab my stuff and then i'll come back in 10 mins.

The captain just stood there and shook his head.....

End of dream? well, i figured out an interpretation of the dream but i guess it's reflecting my current state in life? Stressful, procrastinating, rushing here and there? Grrr.... I've made up my mind!

After i woke up from the dream, i decide to trust in the Lord once again and to declare that stress is OVER!!!

Yes people, STRESS IS OVER in my life! Hahaha! So, from today onwards, i shall not longer be bounded by stress but instead, i'll give my best in everything that i do! Here i come!!!

Okay, let's see what else i can tell you guys.... okay, i shall talk about something sad now? hehe Erm, yesterday night, my mum came into my room and told me that my parents have decided to cut off all funding to my badminton training programmes!

You can imagine how furious i was but surprisingly, i managed to keep my cool! hmm... i didn't talk back just "received" the "wonderful" news... hehe. I guess my parents felt that i wasn't putting enough effort in my studies which i am guilty of?

But still i do study when i needed to... Haiz... I know my parents loves me and wants the best for me! But i love badminton! It's okay, like i've told Ying Xi, i'm going to get the best grade i have since i entered poly just to prove that I can cope with badminton and studies at the same time!

Just i got to give badminton a miss for a couple of months.. :'( well, at least i'm doing my part for the environment? Saving some of the goose from extinction?

Alright Ladies and Gentleman, We've come to the end of this blod entry. Thank you for your undivided attention. We hope you enjoyed the blog and wish to invite you back in a few months? hahahaha...

Anyway, all the best to my DCP friends who are taking the environment studies test tmr! Come on, let us make a difference in SP! hahaha Jia you okay?

Troubled?

2004-09-06T22:54:00.001+08:00

This blog is due for screening since a long long time! Well, the author of this blog will like to take this opportunity to announce that this blog will be closed to public eyes from next month onwards, thanks for all your support guys!

Anyway, this may be the last blog I might be writing as I feel I haven't got the time to faithful update this blog so I decided to save the server capacity and delete the account! :(

Today, it has been a disturbing day for me! But my joy is in the Lord :D

Well, I started off my day around 630 a.m and went for my long-awaited badminton marathon... Played fewer games then usual as I felt the need to preserve my arm for the rest of the week as I feel that my arm has yet to recover completely.

Anyway, I didn't played till I drop, left the badminton court around 1030 and went back home for a hefty breakfast... I had three eggs, three yummy hash-brown with grape jam, a glass of fruit juice, a plate of salad, as well as serving of salmon on biscuits... i guess that's all :X

I went to take a shower and was preparing to go for work when i received invitation to meet a net friend of mine. Anyway, i guess we didn't manage to meet each time so this time is no exception... :( I could come to the conclusion that she wasn't that eager to meet me after all... What else can i descibe my feelings? disappointed!

anyway, i went ahead and reported for work, had a great time praising god while doing my job... ended work around 630pm... by this time, fatigue has began to settle in as i had a long day. was feeling a little hungry as well, so decided to get myself a milo...

Talking about the drink machine, it cheated me of my fourty cents... anyway, i was too tired to do anything about it as i just had plain water instead... :(

i left the workplace and along my way home, i witness something really sad! I witness a couple breaking up :(

i was noticing the couple from afar and though they were discussing where to have dinner, but as i proceed on, i realised that the girl was holding a ring in her hand and trying to return the ring to the guy. The guy's eyes were red with tears and was asking in madrian what has done to deserve this. This has a great impact on my spirit! I was saddened.

I began to wonder why such things happens and i came up with some interesting revelations... I began to realise that break-ups are meant to hurt and were NEVER designed to be sweet! as i ponder on, i learnt that there will always be something that holds a relationship... That reason is the same reason that started the relationship.

if a relationship started because of the "feeling", that when the "feeling" is gone, so will the relationship.. but when a relationship is built upon love, it will be far from gone... for love grows, builds upon each other, trust, for love gives!

And i realised that for my past relationships, it was the "feeling" that made me made the mistake of leading the girls on... since then, i have yet to commit myself into another relationship!

anyway, i was feeling much better by the time i got home and was feeling hungry, so i went and ate my dinner and went out with my mum for a walk... was discussing with my mum about christianity and was asking her how many souls have she saved for the Lord and my mum told me many touching stories...

Hmmm, at the point of writing, i think i miss xiao zhu a lot... didn't managed to chat with her yesterday as she was feeling a little moody and thought it was be a better idea to allow her to cool off first ... hehe

Let me tell you more about this xiao zhu... for those that don't know her... * hmm, i hear protest from xiao zhu*

To me, xiao zhu is a sweet girl! She was almost there for me for every catastrophe that happened to me since the beginning of the year, when i fell into depression, when i broke up, when i injured myself, she was there to comfort me, to soothe the pain, to provide moral if not physical support!

However, i still feel that xiao zhu is someone special, in the sense that she doesn't really like to express her affections outright.. rather, she prefer to use the inverse to hint of her care and concern...

I guess that's all i should write about her, otherwise, i might not live to tell the rest of the story... haha... hope to chat with her tonight!

oh, for all the faithful readers of this blog, i was once again like to apologise for the closing of this blog... perhaps if someone could make me change my mind... Hmmm... until then, love you all!

Praise Jesus!!!

2004-08-29T11:40:00.000+08:00

Wow! How time flies! The last time I blog was on the 19 of august and today is the 29 of august! Indeed time and tide waits for no man! So, people out there who thinks that they have too much time to spare, think again! :D:D

There are a lot of things that happened to me during the 10 days of my absence of blogging... And if I were to write EVERYTHING, I don;'t think I might get to study for my polymer studies ICA on Monday and Tuesday, so, I decided to tell you more about the MAJOR happening in my life!

Sucram is gone! No more... The inverse Marcus has dissolved in the love of Jesus Christ and out birth a new man of God! The reason for living is now for the most high, the king of kings, lord of lords, for Jesus Christ! Praise God

I have NEVER felt so excited going for lectures and tutorials, NEVER felt so excited going for service and cell group.. The anointing of the spirit of god is upon me! And my life will NEVER EVER be the same again...

may my friends be my witness... I'm sure my friends around me can feel the excitement and maybe craziness in me... hehe... Be behold, here come a reformed and transformed Marcus... Wish I could tell you guys more.. But I guess I got to go and study for my polymer studies ICA so still tune to www.silly_bear.blogspot.com for more updates... hehe

p.s: to all my friends that are studying polymer studies, must give your best for the upcoming ICA... then during the one week break, we promise to give our best to enjoyment!

praise be to the lord for all that he has done for me!!!

*Marcus is so excited now... Jumping up and down!!!*

Stress Arrr!!!

2004-08-19T16:10:00.000+08:00

Argh!!! Stress Arr! I've got less than 24 hours to get in three chapters of OSRM notes into the ever porous brain cells of mine... ARGH!!! Feel so stress... *i think up to 5G?

Hmm... thinking about the events that took place today, cannot seem to recall any of great significance maybe except the fact that Dr. Ship wasn't the nicest lecturer in the campus... I was like trying so hard to understand but she wasn't understanding and was rather passive and reluntant in her replies...

Haiz... how i wish that the test would be over soon!

There's a saying one wise man said to me:" everyone is given a chance to shine... Make the most of your chance or lost that chance forever..." That statement should stay with me and hopefully be an inspiration to study and do well for my studies... *the bees and flowers on my notes too?

This is only the beginning of all the stressful weeks to come... with all the ICA lining up... I can either look on the brighter side of life, which is to do well for all my modules or the negative side of life, to fail at all my modules...

Got to go now... God bless

2004-08-17T21:29:00.000+08:00

Hi! Finally, got the time to sit down and write in again... Wah... Today there are quite a lot of happenings so I'll see if I can recall all and write them down... Hmmm... Let me see where to begin...

I know... Long before your time, in a eastern province of Singapore, there lived a guy named Sucram... hahaha... Today, I started off my day by waking up at 645am! It's relatively early but still not early enough to meet my friends on time... Actually was quite amazed at the speed I managed to wash up and get out of the home to meet Ying Xi at enous mrt... The train was relatively fast I guess so we reached Dover mrt at 745 but haiz... One minute ago, someone for some east province arrived and Jasmine happened to see her and then ............... ( fill in the blanks with the most appropriate answer)...*wink wink

hehe... Then Jasmine couldn't like understand why couldn't we be like 60sec earlier than Shu Hua... What to do... The dream fairy is really really very attractive and I am sure most of us would agree...hehe anyway, the first lesson was a two hour lecture by Mr Jeffrey Whey... I guess I started my day off well so managed to get most of what he taught today :)

then the lecture continue to madam Ho then Mr. Kwok then it's dismissal time... Finally, I get an dismissal time of 12pm... I was ecstatic! Went out to Jumbo for lunch with my friends, mike and Wayne then met up with another two of their friends and we had a great meal... Was like teasing the lectures and enjoying out meal... I had beef hor fun for my lunch and it was okay... erm... I guess I wasn't too hungry so the beef hor fun didn't;t taste as nice? hehe

after lunch, went to the library to meet up with jasmine, ying xi, kai ming and of course the one and only who calls me BADMINTON? hehe Yi ting... Didn't managed to study much as the atmosphere was more ideal for sleeping I guess? but surely, i enjoyed myself there in the library.

Around 230pm, i left the campus and headed for carrefour with zhen hui to try out a job he recommend. it was relatively easy i guess... i had to place the clothing for the carton boxes onto the hangers then into the store and out onto the displays. I guess the hardest clothing of all was the women's clothing... cos of the different design and strips... it was very difficult to get the clothes to fit nicely onto the hanger

was enjoying chatting with my colleagues till around 6 plus then i had to rush off to tampiness for my badminton training... Oh, i almost forgotten to tell you guys that ROYCE had opened a branch at suntec city... ROYCE is a very very nice chocolate... it's one of the nicest chocolate i have tasted so far... :)

anyway i was late for my badminton training and had to do skipping after the end of the training... i guess i was quite happy with my performance today although the volleyball girls were only like one court away from mine...

To meiling: see i told you that that day, it wasn't because of the volleyball girls that i played so poorly... hehe i didn't have form that time...

The training was alright and i managed to win my training match against my friend... after which, my coach was like telling me that the volleyball girls have great legs and he was like telling me which one he found was attractive... all i can say was that there is a GREAT generation gap and as for his taste, i have no comments? hehe

my coach drove me home and i had my dinner after a shower... feeling very full now... i had two plates of pasta and some finger food that was left on the table... plus a small plate of salad and a glass of lemonade... wah... on my way to gain weight ... hehe

i guess i am about to end my day... got to go and call joey mei mei and hear her nagging again? hehe i guess that's all for today... tomorrow, same time, same channel... this is lo li lo so signing off... hehe

Still Feeling Sick... :(

2004-08-16T10:05:00.000+08:00

I don't know where to start cos there is like so much things i wish to update... hehe Guess it must have been the high fever and headache that has burnt away some of my memories... I was down with high fever during the weekend... It was ranging around 38.5 and i didn't get to enjoy much of my weekend, not to mention my badminton trainings. Haiz... I wish i could like find out the vius bug and place it on the floor then jump jump jump and kill that irritating horrible bug...

Anyway, i was feeling a little better. The fever is gone but the headache is still constantly bugging me... Didn't ate much during the weekend, much thanks to THAT BUG... and i kinda like lost 2kg! OMG! 2kg... i was like so shock... This morning, after my shower, i decided to like go and weight myself and realised that i lost 2kg thanks to THAT BUG again...Sob Sob... Feel like crying cos the headache is bugging me now... ARGH!!!

Last night, i called up a couple of my friends who was like messaging me but i didn't reply as the majority of my time was dedicated to catching THAT BUG again... So, chatted with them till 11 plus then went to bed...

ARGH!!! Just realised that my ICAs are coming and i haven't been able to study thanks to THAT BUG.. :'( I want to do well this semester at least to show my mummy that i can study? and to all those who cares for me, i want to dedicate this semester to them... But it looks like i haven't got off to a good start... missing lectures, incomplete tutorials and not paying attention isn't the best ingredient for a good semester i guess...

Got to jia you for the remaining of the semester... :D Suddenly the game of bingo came to my mind... *opps! got to go for my dentist appointment... Haiz... feeling so sick now... ARGH!!!

Update you guys some other time... maybe tonight if i am feeling a little better... Thanks to THAT BUG... :D

Mixed Feelings

2004-08-14T13:17:00.000+08:00

Was walking along orchard road today but was feeling rather troubled... Maybe it's because my friends are not doing too well at the moment? I don't know... For instance, Jasmine was like having cramps during lecture. Could tell that she was in pain but there wasn't anything I could do. Mei Ling was another victim of the sorrow and grief of this world. She was crying earlier on when she received her O level Chinese results. She got a B3 but wasn't devastated as she was looking nothing less than an A1. Once again, there was nothing I could do to ease her sorrow...

Yesterday, I went to see Dr. Seow to do a review on my warts. Guess there isn't much improvement and the removal treatment was so painful that I felt tears in my eyes. So, I decided to go down to orchard to kill some time... It was there when my mood hit rock bottom. I saw people together, enjoying themselves while I was wondering if life has more to offer...

At orchard, saw a few items I like but didn't have the resources to get all of them and I couldn't figure out which one I didn't want, so I left the shop... Anyway, while I was leaving the shop, I met two of my secondary friends, Jesline and Jia Ying... Looking back at my secondary school, I realized that I have grown so much so much... But it reminded me that time flies...

I wonder if the world has more than just grief and sorrow to offer...

kidnapped!!!

2004-08-12T16:01:00.000+08:00

Help! I am writing in front of my kipnapper now... HEHE... Actually i am now in the library and guess what, my kidnapper just released me from captivity... muhahaha i am free to go home...

Actually, i promised my friend that i will accompany her to study till the closing hours of the library and here i am, in the library writing this blog... hehe

today has been a great day! i felt superb happy throughout the entire day at least until the point of writing? hehe hmm... i still got quite a few practical reports to write but luckily, i've got some great group member to do "together" :) well, today i skipped one class and absent myself for half an hour for another class

Today, i started my day at 5am in the morning. but then, felt lazy and went to meet the dream fairy until 730... then i realised that i'll be late meeting ying xi and jasmine later on.... so, skipped my breakfast and left home... :'(

Haiz but still, jasmine had to wait and she was like "complaining" why could we like come one train earlier than the "you know who"... haiz... but also not my fault, the dream fairy so pretty, what to do?

had my first lesson, which was process instrumentation tutorial... had to do a two hour tutorial cos i missed my last week one and had to come for the make-up which lasted till 11am. Then after which, i had to go and do my practical report.

my next lesson was at 12... with Dr. Ship. but then, i felt very hungry so, i went to eat mcdonald with hui wen. I had a big and tasty meal and was late for class for 30 mins... luckily, she haven't taken the attendence so i wasn't late...

actually, i am a good boy but you know, something, you need to fulfil your hunger right? if you die out of hunger how to do good boy ? erm.. so not really my fault lah....

anyway, it was during Dr. ship lesson that i realised my practical report had a major error in the graph, so have to miss Dr. Lim lesson and do some ammendments... tried to come to the class though but then i guess it was a little too late to attend the class so decided to go straight to the PI lab...

I did experiment 2 today, wah... the experiment superb long ar... so, my group member and i went to food court 2 and take a drink... then we saw Mr. Kong and invited him over to join us and guess we had a wonderful time laughing... anyway, after the practical, we were susposed to wait for mr lee to debrief us but then, we decided to leave cos mr lee very lo li lo so .... haha i don't think he mind lah...

Anyway, after i left the practical workshop, i went to the library to meet my friend and studied lo... I think i will be going back in the evening... hopefully, can get to chat with my friends later tonight...

To all my friends: I miss you all!!! Pray that everything is going fine in your life... If there is anything not right, just to let you know that you can always call me for a chat alright.. :)

To xiao zhu: I miss you too! Guess might not have the chance to meet you to pass you the honey water but do take care of yourself kk... Silly_bear will take care of himself. Hope to see your during C.G or service...

To my daddy and mummy: I love you!!! although you might not get to see this blog, I want the whole world to know that I LOVE YOU and you are the GREATEST in the world... LOVE YOU DAD AND MUM!!!

To those who are still reading on: THE END

Finally!!!

2004-08-11T22:19:00.000+08:00

Yeah! finally i picked up some match form during today training at ang mo kio... although still not at my peak form, at least after like two months of poor form, i am finally on my way of regaining my form

well, the training was tiring but still i enjoyed it very much... just hope that tomorrow i don't wake up late and make ying xi and jasmine wait... hehe

argh! i still got one practical report to do by the end of today... but i think i'll be doing it tomorrow as i will have more brain juice to think better... oh, still have to remember to bring maiza lap top...

i think that's all that happened in the last 12 hours since the last time i wrote... got to go and ZzzZZzzzZ

Signs of fatigue

2004-08-11T11:38:00.000+08:00

:) Hi blog... haven't been like writing in for the past few months? guess i was unsettled with my new class and new timetable and practically everything.... So... have to take this time i have right now to write something.

ARGH!!! the lectures are like so so boring and the worst thing is that the quizzes are all lining up. The practical report... haiz... there are like so much things to complaint about but i guess maybe i should look on the brighter side of life

at least i made some new friends in class... learning something new everyday and of course playing badminton with my new coach Mr. Lee AH Ngo... haha

I guess i have to start studying otherwise, i will be struggling towards the end of the term and let down all those who has placed their hopes on me... Don't worry people. I will try to do the best i can to stay awake during lectures, make the effort to come for all my lessons and have to do extra to make sure that i don't be late for my classes...

got to go for my practical lesson now... Oh no... forgotten to bring my lab coat again... haiz... hahaha

Testing

2004-08-08T00:22:00.000+08:00

Testing testing

Greater is He who is living in me than he who lives in the world

2004-07-04T09:09:00.000+08:00

I LOVE JESUS!!! God has been faithful to silly_bear for the past few months.

when the world turns its back against you, God will always deliver me! Praise you Jesus...

A few weeks ago, i haven't been myself for the pa

2004-06-30T22:18:00.000+08:00

Haven't been writing in blog for some time, so i guess i better write sometime before my mei starts to complaint...

Life hasn't been a bed of rose for me lately. I just don't know how to start writing all of this? Maybe shouldn't write this at all but this is my blog, so i guess i can write whatever crap i wish right? hehe

Maybe i should start off by writin something that is the closest to my heart. For the first time, silly bear didn't talk to xiao zhu despite being in singapore for the past few days i guess? I really don't know what to say to her. We had a heated conversation earlier this week and it didn't really left me yet. I guess she matters quite a lot to me and i've never ever intended in my sanity to hurt her in any way.

I was feeling that the CG wasn't at all helping me. Instead of like agreeing with me, she turned around and "scolded" me. To be frank, i got a shock in the beginning! I guess i wasn't myself at that point of time.

well, thinking about what she said, i have to agree that i didn't play my part for my Cell Group and giving excuses wasn't what a mature christian shoulld aspire to do. I've though about it and will give myself another chance to try to get back in God's intended plan for me.

Jesus, i thank you for no giving me on me. I repent right now and seek for your forgiveness and mercy. Help me Jesus to beecome more like you. It hasn't been easy for me for the past week and i pray that your grace is sufficent for me and i trust on your word and the holy spirit. I pray these in Jesus mighty name, AMEN!!!

Jesus, here i come! i rebuke the Devil and want to live in God's ways. No one should stop me! :)

Back from KL

2004-06-27T00:57:00.000+08:00

Today, silly bear got back from KL... Haiz supposed to be an happy event for xiao zhu but it didn't quite turn out as intended...

well, cannot blame her totally. I mean what do you expect when someone you like tells you that someone else likes him... err... i guess she wasn't quite strong a girl yet.?? anyway, i hope she understands eventually.

I was chatting with a secondary school classmate, Puay sien. Then suddenly, she popped the question of being together. I have to confess that there was once some chemisty between us but that was way back into the past.

I was so shocked that i posted it onto xiao zhu window to share the shock that i received, BUt i think xiao zhu was kinda like sadden and became defensive so... Haiz

let's talk about something on alighter note. My trip to KL was a relatively short one. I guess i enjoyed myself to a certain extent. Well, got myself a couple of t-shirts and had some nice food over there. But. haiz... gain several kgs... so got to work on that few pounds.

Anyway, i'm glad to be back in my room, where i can access into the net and my friends. Guess that's all for now. Good night

Mixed Feelings

2004-06-23T16:33:00.000+08:00

Silly bear kor kor will be leaving for KL in a matters of hours from the point of writing... not sure how should i be feeling... Maybe it's the lifestyle that i'm living in that is causing the mayhem in my life and a short trip out of singapore might do me good... as well as regain control of my life once more...

I guess my mei will be missing me but what can i say or do? I have to confess that i have feelings for my mei but i cannot exactly put words as to describe the feelings. I mean she's cute, nice, mature in the Lord and everything that a guy can ask for but yet there's something holding me back... maybe it's my vow... i really don't know...

School will be reopening for all my friends on the 28 of this month but for me, it's the 5th of july... so i guess i'll have another way to procastinate and do the things that i wanted to do and complete...

I'm feeling really tired now... and i feel like i just want to lock myself out of the world and just live life as it is... but NO!!!!

I must live my life for JESUS. Someone who loves and cares for me, someone who cries when i cry, someone who bothers to listen to my crap and my jokes... someone who will 24 hrs protect me from danger. I WANT THE WHOLE WORLD TO KNOW THAT I LOVE JESUS!!!

I pray that ALL will be soon over... THE DEVIL CANNOT OVERCOME ME!!!

JESUS, HERE I COME

Jesus Here I come!

2004-06-06T15:03:00.000+08:00

Since the Emerge conference 2004, i feel a change in my life will be imminent!